ICYMI: A Recap of Our Reddit AMA With Tyler Horn, Origin’s Head of Planning

Did you miss our Ask Me Anything (AMA) session with Origin’s Head of Planning, Tyler Horn, on Tuesday, May 13? It focused on money and relationships, covering everything from broaching the subject of spending with your partner to setting shared financial goals. The conversation provided expert perspective for people thinking about the role of money in their relationship; for those considering next steps with their partner; and also people who are currently single but want to be informed and prepared for the future. 

We’re sharing the highlights of Tyler’s thoughtful, knowledgeable answers below. (Some answers have been lightly edited for clarity.) 

And if you didn’t know this was even happening, head over and join our community on Reddit!

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User question: What's some good ways to approach this conversation with your partner in a way that's productive and have it where they don't feel defensive? I grew up in an environment where money wasn't talked about and it's always something I'm learning how to approach from a place of love and support.

Tyler’s answer: IMO, the best way to go about this is to first establish that you all are on the same team. Money is just a means to an end. Ideally, that end is one you share with your partner. But you need to define what that end is. You can do this by talking about your goals, your priorities, and what's most important to you. From there, the conversation becomes much easier. You simply ask, "Does this spending or saving decision align with our goals?"

So to start, I would schedule a couple money dates. The first should be about what your shared goals are. I like to break goals down into three categories: personal, professional, financial. Go to dinner, and talk about those goals. Get alignment about what those shared goals may be.

The next date is to then look at where you are currently without judgement. Use Origin's platform to get an honest, objective view of where your finances are currently. If it's not great, that's OK. That's what makes the journey that much more fulfilling. But you should leave that date knowing where you are, but also knowing where you want to go.

Now you're in a position to align your spending and savings with your goals. Every month, schedule another money date, and reflect on your choices. "Did our spending and savings align with our goals?" If yes, great! If not, that's OK too. Progress over perfection. My guess is that if you follow this routine for a year, you will be much closer to your goals than you were the previous year.

That's probably a long winded answer for an AMA, but I'm a big believer in getting alignment between partners when it comes to finances, so I hope this was helpful.

User question: How does someone who grew up without learning how to save start building better financial habits? I find myself spending most of my money each month because that's what I'm used to, and now I'm trying to break that cycle. Any tips for shifting my mindset and actually building savings?

Tyler’s answer: First off, congrats on having the self awareness to recognize you need to save more. As I have worked with clients in the past, one thing I've always recommended is to align your spending and savings with your goals. So that's the first step, ask yourself, "What am I saving for?"

Having a goal and a purpose makes it easier to save because you are working towards something. It's hard to save for some amorphous reason because you feel obligated to do so. But saving for a vacation, a nice dinner, or anything that brings you joy or fulfillment is much easier and — dare I say — fun to do.

So to recap, think about a goal or something that would bring you fulfillment in life. Determine how much it costs. Then pick a dollar amount to save each month. Over time, you will find that savings amount to grow and grow, and before you know it, you will have built an excellent habit.

User question: What budgeting approaches have you seen that work well? We did the Dave Ramsey "Every Dollar" approach over 15 years ago. It helped us get aligned and knock out some lingering debt. Nowadays, I find him to be rudely opinionated and a bit of a self-promoting shill. He occasionally has good advice but a lot of it directs people to his own products or affiliates. 

I've tinkered with the 50/30/20 budget, too, but it feels both too simple and high maintenance at the same time. My wife needs something simple and easy… She doesn't have mental bandwidth for anything else. Thanks for doing the AMA! 

Tyler’s answer: Dave Ramsey has done a ton to help people get out of debt. However, I agree that his views on budgeting and investments can be antiquated.

Obviously, Origin has tools that allow you to stay high-level with your budget or dive deep into the weeds. But for those who want a simple solution to budgeting, I've found this strategy works:

First, determine what your net pay is each month (aka your direct deposit amount).

Next, determine your fixed expenses. Fixed expenses are expenses that you have to pay each month and you have very little control over (mortgage/rent, utilities, car payment, etc.).

Then, find the difference. That net amount is the amount of money you have left over to allocate towards variable spending and savings. You get to personally decide what that split can be.

For example, say your total direct deposit amounts from your paychecks are $10,000 and your fixed expenses are $4,000. This leaves $6,000 leftover to allocate towards variable expenses and savings. Now that you have that number, choose a number you want to save each month. Starting out, there is no wrong answer. $1,000? $4,000? Both are great numbers. The point is that you are going to commit to an amount to save each month with the idea that you can calibrate that number over time.

So maybe you start saving $1,000/month for the next 3 months. After that period, reassess. Did your budget feel constrained? Do you feel like you could save more? Adjust your number accordingly until you get to the right amount. The idea is that by committing to a number, you get into the practice of saving. You'll see the progress as you see your savings account grow by that number each month, and over time, you will feel compelled to increase that number.

User question: We've been moving away from the old single-income, single-account model in the U.S., and for good reason. Since money is one of the top causes of relationship tension and divorce, many therapists and dating coaches now recommend joint savings goals but separate spending accounts. Do you have any opinion on this? How does this trend translate to future development in Origin?

Tyler’s answer: I am a believer in combining accounts. I've found that the healthiest and best relationships are the ones that view themselves as a team. Each partner is bought into the idea that they have shared goals, and that sometimes means compromising on their own personal goals and desires for the betterment of the household.

You are exactly right, money is one of the biggest cause of stress and divorce, and that's why we developed and are continuing to improve our "Partner Mode" where partners can work together as a team to get a better understanding of their household finances.

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